Testimony Tuesday: Rebuilding on the Foundation of Forgiveness

I guess I'll share with you how I've been doing on my journey to be active in the church again.

To be frank, I need some help and support.

If you knew me as a missionary, I just want to apologize in advance. I'm not proud of the path I took and the last thing I wanted was to disappoint any of you. I know I've let a lot of people down including my Savior but I know he is happy that I'm at least trying to get back where I'm supposed to be.

On April 24, 2016 I attended church for the first time in a very long time. I made it through the first half hour and then had to leave.

When the sacrament started to be passed around I could not hold myself together. I had yet another realization how awful my life has been for the past year and cried. a lot.

I was fine at first. I kept telling myself how easy it was going to be to just jump right back in to everything.

It's not that easy.

At least not for me. If you have any secrets please feel free to enlighten me.

I don't even know why I've decided to let the whole world have access to this but it is what it is. I feel like this is the only place that I can express how I feel and not hear the judgement or opinions of my family, friends, missionary companions, or members of the church.

Plus, who knows, there might be someone out there like me. 

So here goes nothing.

I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is the only true and everlasting gospel on the Earth today.

I am more than grateful for the opportunity it gives me to repent. I've made a lot of mistakes and I know that through Christ I can be forgiven.

I know the atonement is real. 

I've felt the healing powers of it in my life and continue to. Even though my priorities haven't been straight lately, I know Christ has never left my side. I feel like He's always been there and always will be no matter what because He knows my true potential.

I am a child of God. 

Lately, I've felt His love when I struggle mentally and emotionally (daily). I feel lost right now and don't know what direction my life is going to go in any aspect but I know if I have enough faith in His timing and plan for me that it will all work out in the end.

Hopefully the accountability I feel here will also help me through this difficult journey and help someone else along the way.